Posted on

God’s Glory: A Story of Redemption and Jesus’ Love

Warning: Trauma Triggers

How does God’s story reflect in a person’s personal life? This paper is going to reflect how God’s story is reflective in my personal life. From overcoming sinful nature, to the time I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and the process of continuing to live a strong spiritual life.

 Sin is something that is ingrained in us from the very beginning because of being born into a fallen world. Sin can be described as the inability to conform to laws God has placed before us. This can be in the way we act, the way we think; an essence of our overall being. [1]

Sin can make a person feel empty, feel like they are always second guessing themselves. Lack of reassurance and no hope. I can honestly say, this is how I felt, I was living a life as a victim of abuse. My personal trauma was my crutch for my excuse to behave the way I did. I was never going to be worthy of being loved. I had an aunt ask me, “Why didn’t you come to us for help?” I said, If I did not trust God to see me through this what makes you think I would ever trust you?” I was angry, wanting to see revenge to the point of wanting to cause harm. I could not let it go; I did not know how to let it go. I thought in my head, this was the way God intended my life to be. I was emotionally, physically, and completely abused from the age of 10-30. I was the one who lived in shame for allowing the abuse to happen. I would hear people quote scripture to me but, I was not worthy to have the love of God in my life. Afterall, by this time, I was a single parent with 3 children and just living what I thought was the life God intended it to be. I continued to live in sin.

It was the school year of 1998-1999; being a single parent of three everyone wanted to feel the need to step in and help me raise my children. My children got invited to attend a kids club at the Presbyterian Church. I gave them permission to attend. This grew curiosity in my daughter who was 8 at the time. My eight-year-old daughter was a result of me being raped. I could have made a choice but, I knew in my heart if I were to abort her this would be killing. So, I made my choice, I was going to raise her as a single parent.

She had a desire to get to know about Jesus more. She started attending church on her own with her two little brothers in tow. I did not attend church with them. She would walk about one block to St. Paul’s United Methodist Church. She loved it, she was immersing herself in the love of Jesus. She would come home and share the message with me. It would be at least 6 months or longer before I would step foot in the church. I felt so unworthy of being in a church. I felt dirty, shameful and an intense amount of remorse for the life I had been living. April 13, 2002, Palm Sunday my children decided they wanted to commit their life to Christ, and they were Baptized.

Jesus went out of his way to show me what loved looked like through my little girl. It would be another four years before I truly accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. I attended the Walk to Emmaus; 72 hours (about 3 days) of uninterrupted time to spend breaking down the hurt, the shame and learning how to forgive. Jesus and I got into an argument. He wanted me to share my story, my past, he wanted me to share about my rape. I said, no, I am beyond this. To this day, it was Jesus who gently pushed me to tell my story.  Once I got back to my assigned table of Rebecca, each lady was sharing how God had helped us overcome hurt and raised up to serve; how He has redeemed us from our past. It came to me, I was going to keep my mouth zipped, it was shut, then suddenly, words were coming out about my past. I tried to stop talking but, the word just kept going. Little did I know at that time, there was a lady who had a similar experience, but she had never shared her story with anyone, not even her husband of twenty years. Hindsight is always 20/20; Jesus needed me to share so I could help this lady begin to forgive so she could move on in life and her relationship with Jesus. On November 11, 2006, in the chapel, sprawled out on the floor, tears streaming from my face from shame because I was being prideful, realizing I had not really accepted Jesus as my Savior until that time. I opened the eyes and ears of my heart to accept Jesus as my Savior. And just like a baby being swaddled by their mother, I could feel His arms wrap around me and tell me everything will be okay sweet child.

At the time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and reveled them to little children; yes, father, for such was your gracious will.” (Matthew 11: 25-26 English Standard Version) When I accepted Jesus as my Savior, it was like a rebirth. He allowed His message to be delivered through my children. I learned how to give glory to God for all things, good and bad. When we praise Him through the storms, we are letting God know, I trust you to help me through this time.  I was given new insight on life, I have hope and through the darkest of storms, I could finally see the light of this world through Jesus. Praise and Glory to God!

I was dead spiritually before I started to learn and understand what a relationship with Jesus looked like. I suffer from many different diagnoses for mental health; one of them being Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) but, once I accepted Jesus, this changed for me because, He taught me how to forgive. He reminds us, we must forgive others, because if we do not, we will not be forgiven. (Matthew 6: 14-15 ESV) Through my spiritual growth, I have learned, this story is not about me, it is a demonstration of how God works to help reveal the good especially though the darkness.

The biggest challenge I face spiritually is not fully turning everything over to God. I will turn over the situation to Him, then, thirty seconds later, I will take it back. He has taught me repeatedly; I cannot do it all on my own. I need him. I need to remember to wake each morning giving Him praise and glory for the day, I ask each day, to allow my actions and words glorify Him. When I encounter people, I want them to see the light of Christ. I just need to remember, to completely trust Him.

 The scripture I refer to most often is from the book of Psalms, The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. (Psalms 23: 1-3 ESV) I know my spiritual journey will be an ongoing process. I am a sinner, I have trust issues, and being able to realize my faults, or short comings, helps me realize, I draw on my strength through God. (Philippians 4:13 ESV) He is my shepherd and will continue to guide me to become spiritually stronger.

Bibliography

Erickson, Mallard J. Introducing Christian Doctrine Third Ed.  2015, Grand Rapids, Baker Academic Publishers

[1] Erickson, Mallard J. Introducing Christian Doctrine Third Ed. 2015 (Grand Rapids, Baker Academic) Pg. 205

Posted on

Don’t Run from the Storm

The storm clouds roll in
I want to run, I am exhausted
One more step one long stretch
I see the sun then, again the down pour
Exhausted I cry out to the Lord, “WHY ME?”
I just want one moment of rest from the storm
I can’t focus, I am done. Yes Lord I said it I am done.
He then reminds me, “Oh Child remember it is during the storms, I carry you.”

Remember Luke 8:23-25 As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger. 24) The disciples went and woke him, saying “Master, Master,” we’re going to drown? He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. 25) “Where is your faith?” He asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands even the Winds and the water and they obey him.”

I see the storm continue to swell in the sky and just in a flash I run, I don’t turn back I continue to run.

Standing in the rain with me I turn to the touch of a hand pulling me back, He whisper’s in my ear, “My child the job is not done yet. I am changing you to become my child; the path you take is very narrow you need to be sure to have all the tools needed to overcome the bigger storms we will face together. There will be the biggest Christian revival anyone will see; I am preparing my people to become strong to look within and also to trust when you feel alone it is I who have taken you from the pain. It is ME who is going to shield you from the pain. So remember to maintain the faith, the lessons and the be prepared at all times.”

Matthew 24:36 is a good reminder- “No one knows about the day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the father.”

Only the father, not even the Son. So when told me to be prepared, He wants our hearts to be purified like diamonds so our mind cannot challenge the evil which will be brought to challenge us.

Will you die in the Name of Jesus Christ, “Yes Lord, I will die in the name of Jesus Christ”
Weather the storm, He is preparing us for the revival of a life time.

Emmaus

Posted on

Find the light; to Make Our Burdens Light

John 8:12 (NIV) When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.

The darkness consumes my mind; it reminds of those times of feeling worthless. The pictures in my head of the past; the feeling of terror the thought of wanting to yell “STOP” but being paralyzed by the pain nothing comes out.

Then comes the loss of time and the feeling of not wanting to wake up again begging and pleading for the pain, the voices and the suffering to just stop please take it away from me. Nothing.

Happiness eludes me; why me? The idea of peace enters my mind then goes away again in an instant. Peace no more. Then I awaken not knowing how much more of this darkness I am able to take. I just want it to end.

Then in the moment of desperation and wanting to regain control of my life while being exhausted from not sleeping for days. I see where this is coming from. I crawl out of bed; pointing directly straight out of the house. Then I proclaim loudly, “Satan, I rebuke you from this home, from my heart and from my mind! My salvation is with my Savior Jesus Christ! I am saved for His glory; not yours! I rebuke you!”

Sheer exhaustion consumes me however there is still a battle to be fought in my mind; it just won’t shut off I decide to make it my purpose to regain what has been lost.
Time to go back to bed but again the continuation of my mind racing won’t stop. I have been fighting all day and I just want to sleep. I feel a hand on my arm; it is my husband desperately trying to keep me in bed quite aware of my exhaustion he just wants me to sleep. Then all of a sudden the break through moment begins; I am seeing the clouds of darkness shifting and the ray of light peeking through the clouds. Then begins the conversation with Jesus which should have taken place days ago begins;  I begin to pray giving Him the highest glory and honor. I am not worthy of His mercy and grace however I still receive it.

The exhaustion still consumes me in this moment of desperation I give Him praises for all of his blessings He has bestowed on me, both good and bad. Yes, the bad things in life because He continues to show me his redemption time and time again.

Then all of a sudden the feeling of my heart literally breaking in two. I don’t understand completely the circumstances of the situation I was praying for only there would be a new journey for those people I was praying for. I prayed so hard so hard for them and in the end all I could ask for was HIS WILL TO BE DONE. There is the bigger picture. His WILL be done. Then all of a sudden a peace falls upon me. The feeling of the Holy Spirit has me wrapped up and I hear His voice, “I am in control.” “I have you.” “Just sleep” my sobs were so hard it woke my husband; I reassured him I was okay. By this time I am saying aloud, “Thank you Jesus” “Thank you-“ I tell my husband to just lay here, can you feel Him, He is here with us; He is always with us; He is always faithful, He is in control; our Lord and Savior is in control. He is in control….”

Then the sleep finally came upon me finally my burden was light; I could feel the work of the Holy Spirit putting my heart back together making me stronger than I was before. Would this be the last time I encounter the darkness hard telling but, I knew in my heart Jesus had a message for me.

During this period of darkness it was scary, times of begging for peace to come upon me. But the peace came when I was completely exhausted. He allowed the darkness to remind me I need to continue to place my faith and trust in Jesus. Have the relationship with Him to allow him to be in control. This message was so resounding; I woke the next morning so full of the Holy Spirit I didn’t want to miss out on worship service. The message begins, Who is in control? You or Jesus? Wait? What? Is this really happening right now? Everything I had discussed with Jesus his message was being repeated at Sunday morning service. Jesus knows my heart He knows how I need to hear his message so, why not remind her, “She is not in control I am.”

Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV) “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29) Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30) For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
There is a lot of people who face pain, uncertainty, sorrow and those who have great joys to celebrate.
In Matthew Jesus promises there will be rest for the weary. He wants for us to place our burdens on Him and allow him to be in control.
With the pain we feel at times there is no light in the forefront; then I remember the one light I can always count on is the Light of Christ. We must realize through the storm clouds, rain and valleys there is hope with our faith in Christ.
All too often we want to handle the situation on our own. We don’t need help from anyone. But Jesus tells us in verse 29, when we take His yoke upon us and learn from Him our burdens will be light and then we will have rest for our souls. By doing this we will grow spiritually in our relationship with Jesus. He wants that relationship to be at the center of our lives when we do this the burdens, sorrow pain and celebrations in life are shared with Him. Then we praise him in all things good and bad.
Praise Him in the storm; watch the storm clouds clear and see His light; He is always there faithful and true.

Darkness_Light

 

Posted on

Salvation

For some reason this topic has been on my mind a lot lately; I have also been reading a lot from the book of Psalms especially from Psalms 51. (David wrote Psalms 51) This is one of the critical points when king David has realized everything he had done was for his own selfish need. He sinned by having an affair with Bathsheba and then he also had her husband murdered and covered it up.

King David did horrible things but here is where he begins to ask for forgiveness:

 Psalms 51:2 “Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from sin.”

We are familiar with the story of King David and his short comings yet the Lord still used him for His purpose.  How? by showing us his mercy and love by forgiving King David for his sins.

So, thinking about ourselves; we have days we are just on top of the world; we don’t miss a step and keep on walking forward with the plan to please the Lord. Reminding ourselves of our true purpose. Then one day we will sin, sin is a little word with a huge impact, it means the same as doing something wrong which is against anything you believe to be righteous and true. I know I fall short on a daily basis; falling short could be as simple thinking a thought which is inappropriate or wishfully thinking harm would fall upon someone.

When we were born; we were born with sin. Our natural tendencies are for our own selfish ways rather than to please the Lord. When Jesus died on the cross he took on all our sin for our own salvation. King David didn’t have this at the time; he had to turn to the Lord himself. I can imagine him on his knees praying these words to the Lord.

Psalms 51: 10-12 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a stead fast spirit within me

11) Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12) Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.

With our salvation; we ask for forgiveness by praying through “His son Jesus Christ.” We can become free of sin once we ask for forgiveness and truly want this forgiveness. God wants to have a close relationship with us and the only way to prevent the crushing wave of guilt is to ask for his forgiveness. By doing this we are also building our relationship with Christ and this is where the foundation for salvation begins.

So when we find ourselves distant from the Lord this is the time we want to remember:

  1. We turned away from Him (Through sin)
  2. God has proven time and again he will mercifully forgive us
  3. Salvation comes through accepting Christ as our savior
  4. Ask for repentance

Remember Jesus’ words

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only So, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.